looseframing

why do we keep them? hoard them? what makes us hang onto random stuff for years? and then what makes us suddenly go through a purging stage and dump things? we do that and feel good, clean — when before we couldn’t even consider letting go of what we just tossed or gave away or whatever.

yeah, i just had a purging moment. do you have any idea how many rocks i had collected over the years? seriously. rocks are cool, and can be gorgeous and/or just weird (and thus snazzy for their oddness), but almost every surface in my house had oodles of rocks perched on it. many of which i had not really looked at in years.

so many of them now live in my yard. (-; some evoked memories of past camping trips and hikes — so a few got saved for that. others got saved because they are just too cool to get rid of. but many are just…. pretty rocks. some i have had since way back when i was a kid and had a rock polisher.

they have all been packed up and moved several times, have been dusted and displayed around the house… and mostly, ignored. but i could never get rid of them. until yesterday.

it felt good to purge. i feel lighter, cleaner. i like knowing what rocks are actually still here, and why they are. i like that there is now less clutter on shelves and window sills and other surfaces. so why now? why let go now? why did i hold onto that stuff for so long?

what is it with humans and hoarding and purging cycles? i felt no pain yesterday dumping the rocks i did — but that action was inconceivable before then. what shift in us that lets us finally let go?

been pretty down on my teaching the last couple of years. i’ve not felt terribly effective, creative, motivated, dedicated. felt darn lame, actually — like i’ve been phoning it in. i’ve connected with my students, as always, but i haven’t been convinced that i’ve taught them anything of substance, you know?

but this semester… hmm, i feel alive in the classroom again. like i know what i’m doing. like i have something to say, am not just amusing my students for a couple of hours a week, but truly teaching them new ideas and helping them discover new abilities in themselves.

the difference? i don’t know. maybe it’s that other parts of my life have gained a clarity they have not had in several years — so i have more mental and emotional energy to focus on my teaching. maybe it’s that i was forced to re-do my curriculum this semester, per program dictates, which annoyed me at first, but has had the happy result of getting me to really think through what i’m doing and why and how. maybe it’s the growing confidence in myself as an educator, as a professional, that i’ve been experiencing this academic year.

whatever it is, i like it. i’ve missed feeling like i am worth my students’ time. my partner says i’m sexiest when i teach — i’ve missed feeling like that.

it’s good to be back.

happy new year!

so my old blog broke, probably because i ignored it for too long… poor thing. or maybe it ran away. not sure.

whatever happened, it’s gone. and now this one is here. i guess i should take better care of it. yeah, like maybe… write in it. lol!

so, a new start. nice to have those. i have to get some work done first (sorry, money-making does take precedence, especially when i have a deadline of today for this specific project). then, hmm, maybe i can post for real later today.